Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
