I cockslap morals
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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