Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize