you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
