I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
