Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
