if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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