The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
organizing the empties. That sober.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
