Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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