so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
