my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
