I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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