whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
