his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The air was thick with penises
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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