My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My dick has a subreddit
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
