Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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