PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
