Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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