I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
