guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
