So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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