haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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