There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
