So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
