this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
