I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
