She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize