I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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