how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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