Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize