So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
