we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize