It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
