Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
