he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
