But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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