Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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