I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
