Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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