if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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