At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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