we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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