so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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