im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
