i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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