bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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