My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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