Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
