so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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