i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
