I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
