and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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