This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
