when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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