I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
