You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
