I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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