Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize