all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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