love makes seman taste better
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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