I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
