If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
