Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
