This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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