Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
