guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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