I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
