well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he fucked my hip out of place.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
