dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
