Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
