i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
