I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
