scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
