so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish you could order shots online.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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