I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
