Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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