I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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