i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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