here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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