i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
