And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
