I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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