I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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