Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
