Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize