A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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