watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize