Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize