Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
