Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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