I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
