you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
